drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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