how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
