I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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