A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
