Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
