if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
