the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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