buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
