everyone is single if you try hard enough
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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