You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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