you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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