Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
