I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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