I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
