Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
