there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
