I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
