i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I look better un-naked...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
