Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
