I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
