you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
