he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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