I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
