i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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