around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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