I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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