He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
