weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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