I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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