So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
