I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
