last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize