Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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