I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
