I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
