All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
