I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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