You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
