Your dad touched me again.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
