I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
operation harelip BJ is a go
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
