Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
