Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
