I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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