so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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