none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
