I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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