So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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