why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize