So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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