I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
