you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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