Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
