I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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