There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
