If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
