I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
