I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
