i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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