it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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