I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
