tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize