I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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