Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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