Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
