Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
