Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
