Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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