I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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