I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Randomize
