Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
